Category Archives: horror

Mythbusters Cannon Failure

I just learned that the Mythbusters just made their biggest mistake ever.

 

They shot a cannonball from a bomb range 700 yards into a Dublin, California neighborhood, through a house, up stairs, out the window, through another house, out the window, into a minivan, through the minivans windows, and into someone’s lawn.

Wow.

Kind of scary.

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We Must Keep the Vegetables Happy

I was at the store today when I heard thunder.

It was then followed by a fine mist that fell on to the rows of vegetables.

This made me wonder.  Why do we have to make a noise to simulate a real rain storm?  It doesn’t keep the vegetables any fresher.  Then came the realization that would change my views of the earth forever.

The vegetables asked for noise.

That’s why ever grocery store around the nation makes a fake thunder noise when misting their veggies.

So the produce won’t be angry.

I’m not going to sleep tonight.

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Corn Maze Nightmare Fail

This is so fail I don’t even want to talk about it.

P.S. I don’t own this video.

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You Can Thank The Spider For My Paranoia

Ok, so today at around 7:30 I heard the shriek.

Slowly, people started to run out of the classroom.  I didn’t realize what was happening until it was crawling under my desk.

A huge, hairy spider.  Running under my chair.

Of all the people in the room, it chooses to run under my chair.  ME.  The one with the arachnophobia.  Do you remember the spider video from an earlier post?  Well, if you don’t, here it is:

That’s sort of what pushed me over the edge.

Luckily, Mr. Hill squished the spider.  Under my chair.

My chair.

I didn’t let my feet touch the ground for the rest of the period.

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What is Wrong With Children?

I go to the swings a lot.

I know, I know, that’s not really mature.

But hey, swings are swings.

Anyways.

I was at the park a few days ago when 3 kids arrived.

Maybe five our six-year-old kids.

They had little Nerf guns and were pretending to have a battle.  It was kind of cute.  Until…

One of them fell over, and started cussing up a storm.  The other pretended to shoot him in the head, and made disgusting sound effects to enhance the effect.  They then started arguing about how heads explode in Modern Warfare 2.

It can’t get any worse, you say?  You are so wrong.  It can.

One of the kids walks over to a stroller, grabs the baby by the head, and throws him six or seven feet onto solid concrete.  He then walks away like nothing happened.

I sat, horrified, on the swing.

When they left, I ran over to check on the poor baby.

It was a doll.

Phew.

I ask you to contribute to your community and wright a pledge in the comments that you will never, ever, throw a baby doll by the head incase some one is watching and they think its a real baby.

And with that emotional run on sentence, I leave you for today.

Bye Bye.

 

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I Steal Pond Water From a Demon

We have a neighbor named Grumpy Gus.

That’s not her real name, but I will call her that for her privacy.

Grumpy Gus is the kind of neighbor who gets angry about your leaves on her lawn.  The kind of neighbor you skip on halloween.  The kind of neighbor that has a security camera on her door because she thinks all kids are evil and want to egg her house.

Anyways.

This year for the science fair, I did a project on algae.  It was a good project, but it had one problem.  I needed a control.  In my case, I needed pond water.

Your probably thinking:  What does this have to do with Grumpy Gus?

Grumpy Gus has a pond in her front yard.  And I needed pond water.

So, at 8 o’clock p.m., I stole pond water from a demon.  (Gus)

I snuck over to her yard, being as quiet as possible.  Then, when I reached her house, I army-crawled over to her little pond.  I had a 5-cup container in my hand, and that made the crawling really hard.

Now, let me tell you about this pond.  Its about 5 by 4 feet, and has fake plastic lilies floating around in it.  I assume that the lilies are some sort of explosive device that activates on a motion sensor, and the pond is probably home to a school of Piranhas.

It took a while of mental encouragement, but I finally was able to stick my hand in the pond.

As I ran away, I swear I saw the light turning on in one of the rooms.

I’ve never run faster.

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The Scariest Video You Will Ever See

Watch this video.  If you dare.

I now have a tendency to look up at the ceiling every minute or so.

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Evil Naked Babies

A first glance, you might think this was your average nude-baby picture.

You would be wrong.

Very wrong.

Look at the eyes.  The eyes!  Little black ovals staring menacingly into the distance.  These babies would obviously stop at nothing to kill you.  They would enjoy seeing you in pain.  They would even laugh at the very thought of it.

Did I mention that they’re armed?

With bows and arrows?

I can imagine this:

A normal sunny day in Las Vegas, the birds are singing, blah blah blah blah.  Then, suddenly, little Timmy falls on his face, dead.

One of the witnesses cries out, “He’s been shot with a bow and arrow!”

No more Timmy.

Don’t make the same mistake as poor Timmy.  Wear full body protection 24/7.  Trust no one.

Especially the babies.

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Why I’m Afraid Of The Toilet

I am afraid of the toilet.

Why?

It comes down to this: spiders.  As disturbing as it is, I worry that a spider lives in my toilet.

I know. Freaky.

And what if, the spider decides to go for a little stroll, and accidentally ends up in my intestines?  Even worse, what if that spider was pregnant?

A pregnant spider.  In my intestines.  Ready to give birth to five hundred babies that will feast on my organs.

I am not looking forward to that day.

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